Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
