see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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