If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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