That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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