I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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