there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
