Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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