Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
