I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
