I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
