My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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