3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
