Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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