The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
