just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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