I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
