honey bunches of taint.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
