Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
