so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
40s are totally the cure
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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