Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
