She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
