Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
