We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
