how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
