they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
