I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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