Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
