That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
