just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
