it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
