New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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