and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
