white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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