im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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