One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
