Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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