The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
