he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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