Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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