I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
