so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is my gift to your gina
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
