when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
