Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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