I wish I could teleport
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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