Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
