does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
