she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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