Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
