BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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