too bad you live with your parents still
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
