I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
