We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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