Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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