So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am available for nakedness
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
