im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
