The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
