you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
