Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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