The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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