Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
