Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
