Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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