right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
