2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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