Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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