you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
