i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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